DEFINITION OF STRESS
what is the definition of stress? According to chambers dictionary it means
1. pressure
2. urgency
3. strain
4. violence (eg stress of circumstance)
5 . system of forces operating over an area .
Stress has really only been in issue in the last 20 yrs .
In the rapid growth our society and modern technology, so it is now a “symptom”of our times . These technical changes and then consequential changes in our lifestyles have taxed our human resources , as well as enviornmental resources. However physiologically we , as a race have not changed.
Our bodily functions and our basic needs for survival remain as they always have been..shelter , food , warmth love activity and rest and creative freedom. These are fundamental aspects of human life.
so how do we compete with all the other demands, when the basic ones are trying at times?
MY RULES FOR STRESS REDUCTION
- Try , really hard.. to work no more that 10 hrs a day !
- Have at least 1.5 days off .–no work related tasks anyhow
- Allow at least 1/2 hr for a meal – enjoy it , savour each bite – don’t think about anything but your meal.
- Eat is slowly, chew well .It helps with digestion.
- Try really hard to listen to some relaxing music. I personally love classic rock.However I will listen to music with no words , just nice rhythms . If you are not listening to the lyrics you can totally mind wash.
- Practice meditation /relaxation techniques , at least 2 times daily for 15 mins .I know this is very hard. When you are driving car to work put on a relaxing c.d in and don’t think about anything causing anxiety . This will count as one.
- This one is hard , for me anyhow, try to walk , and talk and more slowly. There is no need to always be in a rush, try to be slow and deliberate and concentrate on your words and your strides .If just try this it will take the edge off . In cultivating these steps you seem more relaxed , even if your not there yet , you are perceived that way.
- Smile and respond with kindness to people .It comes back two-fold. It makes you feel good about yourself.
- Plan one trip a year that is not work related . A relaxing , get a way from it all vacation.Don’t let financial issues bog you down here . I know you are all out there saying , come on Kymm we don’t have that kind of money . Well first of all, this is one of the most important expenditures of the year. Your well -being depends and deserves this.We all work hard, we all DESERVE a get-away. (you can plan a retreat to go camping, or a couple of days at a cheaper lodging , as long as you are away from it all.)
- Exercise, I am not going into too much detail here, we all know how essential excercise is! I am going to blog about some great relaxing exercises later on.
- Please watch what you eat, I know we all love our treats ,however practice moderation . Having a nice glass of red wine, or a piece of chocolate, or a hamburger is a great release,however the normal diet should be high in fruits, veggies and lean protein .It helps so much when your digestion system is not taxed . Plus the energy you get from eating well helps alot in combating stress.
- Being a stress consultant , I can help people more 1 on 1 with this one.,but please get help if something like mental issues (depression) or relationship woes are weighing you down.Having issues like these is like walking around with a dark storm cloud over your head all the time.
- If you are unhappy at work look for alternatives .
- Everyone has a hobby,something they enjoy doing .The the key is to truly cultivate it,work on it.If you enjoy painting then for goodness sakes paint,do not put it off , saying “ah well I don’t have time”. That is a cop-out. Doing something you enjoy , even if it is as simple as loving American Idol( I love that show) , then love it. Don’t make excuses saying” oh I should not indulge myself is some silly show I need to be more productive”, I say come on watch the show , enjoy it , sit back.
- Do YOGA – I cannot push this enough! If anyone out there reading this knows any good yoga programs online please post on this blog ! Get a message , not everyday , just when you can . Even if it is from your partner you can promise something in return.
- Concentrate on the here and the now, do not DWELL on the past .You cannot change it everyone makes mistakes so learn from them and move on . Dwelling on the past are those mind toxins I was talking about earlier ,they hinder us substantially.
- Express your feelings! I am not talking about being all dramatic and sappy ,just say what you feel especially to people you love.This helps so much in getting your resentments out , again MIND TOXINS.
- Don’t set yourself up to fail it only weighs on you heavily and causes you to think poorly of yourself when you don’t succeed. Make realistic goals ,tasks and deadlines.
- BIG ONE HERE !! DO not rely on drugs , alcohol, blaming others or any other props.In order to cope . ACCEPT full responsibility for your life this is your life , not your employers, your spouse , your parents, your children YOURS. When you have a certain ACCOUNTABILITY you will see truly what you need to change.
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What do these women have in common?
• A young mother overwhelmed with caring for both a newborn and a two year old
• A college student who realizes she is not as passionate about her major as she thought
• A manager who feels she is not connecting with those who report to her
• A daughter trying to help her aging parents who live in another state
• A new widow whose husband handled the finances in the family
As you may have guessed, they all could use some kind of assistance. Yet, how many of these women will ask for it? Help can come in many forms. The young mom could ask a friend to watch the kids for a few hours so that she could take a nap. The college student could seek the advice of a favorite professor. The manager could ask a colleague that she respects, to be her mentor. The daughter could attend a local family-caregiver support group for ideas on how to care for her parents’ needs at a distance. The newly widowed woman could ask a trusted friend to advise her on the basics of family finance and act as a sounding board for any decisions that need to be made.
Why is it so hard to ask for what we need? I have learned over the years that there are times when even the most capable among us must ask for help. At times when I needed help but didn’t ask, I wondered whether it was because I’m a woman, a first-born, or just didn’t want to impose that I found it extremely difficult to turn to others for even the simplest of aid. When I examined my reluctance to request help from others, such as my friends and relatives, I came up with some heartfelt but often ridiculous reasons:
• I didn’t want to appear weak, disorganized, or incapable.
• Everyone has his or her own challenges and is too busy to deal with mine.
• Asking for help would make me feel dependent.
• I didn’t want to be a bother.
• It would be easier just to do things myself.
What about you? Do you find it easy or hard to turn to people who care about you and ask for their assistance when you need it? Asking for help is a skill. Many of us don’t possess it. For most of us it is one we could improve upon. It would make our life so much better if we didn’t hesitate to ask for help when we needed it.
Recently when a friend and I were talking about people’s reluctance to ask for help, it occurred to me that we are actually doing those who care about us a favor by coming to them for assistance. You give a gift when you ask for help. The people you ask feel important, useful, and, in many cases, honored that you approached them.
Think about the last time someone asked you for help. Did you find yourself making a judgment about him or her? Probably not. Didn’t your mind start clicking to what you could do? If you couldn’t help, you may have even felt guilty that you didn’t do your part to help your friend. How many times, when you discovered that a family member had a hardship or challenge, have you said, “Why didn’t you ask for my help?”
There may be some things that you would rather pay a stranger to do than ask friends to do. Nevertheless many other favors will give meaning to the words family and friend. The next time you are feeling overwhelmed, need advice, or a shoulder to lean on, rather than hesitate, push yourself to ask for what you need. You will not only be helping yourself but also giving the person you asked a chance to feel better too!
Survival – I don’t usually use that term. While to survive emotionally is a positive experience, just surviving doesn’t seem good enough to me. Realistically though, I know that there are times when all we can do is survive the moment. We each have our own unique system to do so. Depending upon our life circumstances, many of us have used it often. At some point, we all will have a use for one. It makes sense to me to take some time now to examine your own System of Survival. After doing so you could decide whether you have the necessary means to put it in place when it is needed and ascertain whether you need to develop it further.
I’ll give you a few examples from my system (in no particular order) to get you thinking about yours:
Friends and Family – I’ve learned through the many crises I’ve experienced that friends and family are imperative to survival. My first husband died after six years of illness. You can be sure there were many crises during that period. I don’t know what I would have done had I not had several best friends, many good friends, and my extended family to count on. As I examine the shape of my present System of Survival, I realize that this area needs some work. I remarried and moved to the Kansas City area several years ago. While the friends of my past are still in my life, because of work and school, I’ve yet to develop the Kansas City friendships necessary for my system to work. This is something that needs my attention.
Faith – Each of us has our own spiritual and/or religious beliefs. What works for me may not even make sense to someone else. It is important to me to have a clear understanding of my beliefs so that I can take comfort in them when necessary. There is nothing like a crisis to shake the very foundation your beliefs are built upon. The more you have knowledge of them, the easier they are to rely on. There have been times in my life when I’ve been in the questioning mode. I’ve learned that for me that is good and that even the questioning keeps me in touch with my spiritual self. The more I’m in touch, the more my faith is there for me when I need it.
Appreciation – My life motto is, Make the Moment Count. I take it very seriously (in a fun kind of way!) My System of Survival requires me to store up a backlog of magical moments because I know there are times when life isn’t so magical. During those hard times, I can feel confident that not only did I appreciate the good times in the past, but I can also use those memories to get me through the bad. The way I make the moment count is I make a conscious effort to put myself in situations that have the best possible chance of providing one of those magical moments. When I do experience one, I purposely choose to not only acknowledge my gratitude but to build a memory.
A quick example: During the trip to Chicago I mentioned above, I had my first opportunity to goon a sailboat. It was some sailboat too! It looked like a modern day tall ship. The captain used an engine to get us out into the lake. When he and his crew unfurled the sails, he turned off the motor. That first moment when the wind filled the sails was magical! Without getting too poetic, I can tell you that the sun, cloudless blue sky, cool breeze, silence, and floating sensation of sailing brought tears to my eyes. It also gave me another magical moment to savor and save.
Stress Management – My System of Survival is dependent on stress management techniques that work for me. I’ve learned through the years which ones I can depend on and how to push myself to use them. I know that listening to music can change my mood, talking out loud to myself keep away the scary mind talk, moving around gives me an outlet for the extra adrenalin, and crying releases my tension.
There are plenty more things in my System of Survival. What about yours? I encourage you to set aside some time to take an inventory of your own survival techniques. By taking my inventory, I now know that there are things I must put in place to be ready for the next crisis. Even in my busy everyday life, I know I must make my system a priority. I can’t imagine how I would function in crisis without it.
Sometimes people in crisis feel hopeless, powerless, depressed, or even have panic attacks. If this happens to you, it may help if you seek out a qualified counselor or psychotherapist who can help you figure out your system. Seeking counseling does not mean you are crazy or have a mental illness. In fact, seeking counseling or therapy is an example of a healthy behavior.
About The Author
Karen Rowinsky, LMSW is a licensed master level social worker. She has a private counseling practice in Overland Park in the Kansas City Metropolitan area. She specializes in working with women and couples who want to create the life they desire. You can learn about Karen’s marriage counseling, family counseling, and individual counseling services by going to http://www.karenrowinsky.com.
The Stress Monster
Turn on the news and you’ll likely be bombarded with traumatic events and updates on the gloomy economy. Call up a friend and she might tell you her husband just lost his job, or a loved one was just diagnosed with cancer. Even in your own home, you may be worried about your child, or feel burdened by the number of responsibilities you have to juggle. The stress monster is always lurking just waiting to rob us of our internal peace and balance.
Stress in life is inevitable. In reality, some stress is actually good. We need that fight or flight reaction that occurs in our bodies when faced with emergency situations. Some amount of stress can motivate us to take action when we might otherwise drag our feet. Without a little bit of stress, life would probably be somewhat boring or unexciting. However, when stress is affecting our mood, our health, or the balance in our lives, it’s time to do something about it.
Use these tips to put the stress monster in his cage:
Recognize Your Stress
Just like balance, stress is different for everyone. I remember one of the first vacation trips I took with my husband. We were in Cancun, Mexico and I wanted to have fun so I suggested we sign up for a parasailing adventure. This form of parasailing was a piece of cake, in my eyes. All we had to do was sit in this little chair together and the boat would take us for a ride over the ocean. My husband looked at me like I had lost my mind. This was not his idea of fun, but I convinced him that it would be great! Little did I know just how stressed out this experience would make him. While I was laughing and having the time of my life, he was ready to kill me. I believe it started the first argument of our relationship.
How do you know when you feel stress? Do you get irritable? Does your heart start pounding or do your palms sweat? Understand your stress reaction and get to know it well so you can identify stress in your life more quickly. What causes stress for you? Take a few moments to identify your stress triggers. When you know exactly what will send you over the edge, you can take steps to minimize those stressors.
Respond to Your Stress
Some stress in our lives requires us to respond differently than we have in the past. If a toddler tantrum rattles your nerves, consider the way you respond today. What makes the tantrum stressful? Much of the stress we encounter occurs because our perception colors our reality. Does a tantrum compromise your need to keep things under control, or does it make you question your parenting skills? Seeing a tantrum as anything other than a normal developmental response to frustration can cause stress for you. Changing your thoughts or perceptions can change your stress level.
If changing your thoughts does little to alleviate stress, you may need to change the stressor. The other day my client called with the goal of learning new stress management techniques. When I asked her what was causing her stress, she told me drywall guys were on their way to her house and she still needed to pack her daughter for a trip to Florida she was taking the next day. Her house was turned upside down, but the immediate need was getting her daughter prepared and out the door. When I suggested she reschedule the drywall project for another day, after her daughter was gone, she immediately felt relieved. While I waited on the phone, she asked the drywall guys to come the next day. She went from stressed to calm with only one choice. Instead of reacting to her stress and going through with the original plan, she responded and changed the course of her entire day.
Relax Your Stress
When you think about the word “relax”, what comes to your mind? Is relaxation curling up on the sofa to read a good book, or lying on the beach allowing your body to soak in the sunshine? We might not be able to achieve our idea of relaxation all the time, but we can always close our eyes and transport ourselves wherever we want to be. It’s called meditation or visualization. With practice, we have the ability to breathe deeply, center ourselves, and release stress within minutes. Soft music, candles and water are extremely calming as well. Try lighting a candle, turning on a peaceful song, or sitting by a mini water fountain you have hanging on your wall.
While relaxation is essential to reducing stress, so is exercising and burning off your stress. One way or the other, you must allow the stress to escape from your body. A brisk walk outside or biking around the neighborhood can do wonders for changing your frame of mind. One of my favorite ways to release stress and get in shape at the same time is through Tae Kwon Do. It gives me an excuse to yell, kick and punch in a safe environment.
When you learn to recognize, respond to, and relax your stress, you will reduce your stress level. With these four R’s as weapons, the stress monster will stay sleeping quietly
in his cage.
Natural Stress Relief
WHAT IS TENSION
When you see a small baby, you can see only love, trust and curiousity. Their responses to stimuli are pure, because they have had no conditioning otherwise. A baby is usually trusting,fearless and completely relaxed. There are two instincitive fears we are born with however, the fear of fire and loud noises.
As we grow older we obtain memories and experiences , some of them not pleasing.
The darker memories can affect our emotional , psychological and physical well-being.Some of the experiences can create mild reactions..Whereas others can be so traumatic and haunting, that they affect the balance of EVERY aspect of our lives. These reactions cause us to obtain levels of tension throughout our bodies. That is what promotes the serious psychological and physical diseases.
The memories of these traumatic events cause us to feel we have to protect ourselves from further pain .. therefore we build up a large amount of tension.
The body has a way of memorizing and storing events , this creates bad posture,and promotes habitual behavior , ( addictive personalities) .
These imprints will stay with us until we CONSCIOUSLY change them
This is similar to the way we store our data in our hard drive . The only way to change it is to reprogram it .
Our body/mind storage can be viewed as a database , however our database has the ablility to be aware of this storage recepticle and then to choose the best way to correct or change the damaged data ,so to speak .
HOW DOES NOT MANAGING STRESS CORRECTLY AFFECT US PHYSICALLY ??
stress is a term that describes the inability to deal with a great deal of pressure.
So how can that make us sick ?
it builds up over time.. and causes significant ailments.
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Stress is a natural response and can be a good thing. But with too much or the wrong kind, our bodies can go into a tailspin. Take better care of yourself by understanding how stress works.
Stress is an automatic reaction that happens in your body when there is a perceived threat. The release of chemicals (such as the hormone adrenalin) sharpens your senses, focuses attention, quickens breathing, dilates blood vessels, increases heart rate and tenses your muscles. This is the “fight or flight” response that prepares us to act quickly to tackle or avoid danger. And that’s a good thing.
On the flip side, it’s not as helpful for most day-to-day stresses of modern life, such as never-ending deadlines, nagging traffic jams, financial worries or seemingly endless family responsibilities.
And while a certain amount of the right kind of stress can be a positive force that provides challenge, change and stimulation, excessive, negative or low-grade stress that extends over a long period of time can have a detrimental impact on your physical and mental health, relationships and general enjoyment of life.
Let your body be your guide
We all have our own ways of responding to stress: you may be prone to crying while your partner might become irritable or suffer insomnia.
Because stress is such an individual experience, it’s important to let your body be your guide. Learn to recognize the ways that you tend to react, and the events or situations that are likely to cause you to feel stress.
Also know that symptoms tend to escalate if the stress continues. Be aware of where you sit in the stress continuum:
Level 1 – Immediate stress
Increased heart rate and blood pressure
Rapid breathing
Perspiring and sweaty palms
Indigestion and nervous stomach
These symptoms occur in response to a stressor that causes fright or nervousness. Your body releases adrenalin to prepare you for action. Examples range from immediate, external danger such as a fire or a car speeding towards you to a self-imposed situation such as a job interview or first date.
Level 2 – Continued stress
Feelings of being pressured or driven
Exhaustion and fatigue
Anxiety
Memory loss
Colds and flu
Increase in smoking or alcohol and caffeine consumption
These symptoms can occur when there is no relief from a Level 1 stress. Your body begins to release stored sugars and fats, using up its resources. For example, a long-term deadline at work, or a drawn-out divorce may lead to Level 2 stress.
Level 3 – Ongoing stress
Insomnia
Errors in judgment
Personality changes
Autoimmune disorders
Heart disease
Mental illness
When a stressful situation is not resolved and carries on for prolonged periods, Level 3 stress can result. Your body cannot produce the energy resources it needs and the on-going strain can cause dysfunctions and breakdowns. An unsatisfying and highly demanding job or caring for a disabled family member could potentially cause this kind of stress.
Spoil Yourself Anyway You Want
